Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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