woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
