great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
