you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
