Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
