He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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