i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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