if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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