I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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