Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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