mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
