just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
