i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
