just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
