Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
