suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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