mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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