The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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