I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's like iHOP with fire
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
