Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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