3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
