Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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