In the future we'll all be gay
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
