just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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