Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
