I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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