The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
