I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
