I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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