Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
