just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
