I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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