I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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