The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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