My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
