never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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