I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
