I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize