That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
