If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
