I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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