Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
