When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize