your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
