proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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