remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
