I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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