my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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