Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize