It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
