just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
