So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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