NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
