I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bring money and cleavage
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
