Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was so not down for the gang bang
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
