Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
