i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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