you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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