All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he fucked my hip out of place.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
