I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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