the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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