Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
