and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
