I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
