Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
