I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you inspire me to be a worse person
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
