She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize