as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
