You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
