you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
