Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
