toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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