fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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